Do you struggle with expressing your thoughts, feelings and needs? When you do express them, do you often feel guilty? Do you tend to be sarcastic with your partner and others? In the midst of an argument, do you resort to name calling, put the other person down or try to humiliate him/her? How you answer these questions may indicate a tendency to be either a passive or an aggressive person, both of which may be harmful to yourself and your relationships. The following are some characteristics of passive, aggressive and assertive behavior:

• Passive - low self-esteem, overly apologetic, hesitant, lacks confidence, tends not to express his/her real feelings and thoughts, often controlled by excessive fear, anxiety and guilt, allows others to choose, does not stand up for oneself and believes others have more value than him/herself.
• Aggressive - low self-esteem, achieves own goals at expense of others, lacks respect for the feelings and rights of others and may take advantage of, humiliate, abuse and embarrass others. Aggressiveness may be direct in verbal assaults, threats, name callings, etc. or indirect through gossip, gestures, sarcasm, etc. Will express feelings but hurts others in the midst.
• Assertive - healthy self-esteem, able to express feelings and thoughts while respecting others, able to make choices and achieve goals, confident, firm, direct, self controlled, is not bound by excessive fear and anxiety and does not intentionally attempt to hurt or violate others.

Many of us struggle with low self-esteem or self-image which lives itself out in our behavior and affects all aspects of our lives. With a healthier view of oneself, changes in our behavior can be made which will help us in day to day living and relationships.

Janet Purdy