A common dynamic in relationships is that one person feels that either a spouse or a child will not talk to him/her. They want the spouse or child to share what they are thinking and feeling. In ways we are often oblivious to, we actually communicate rejection of the other's feelings and thoughts, which discourages more sharing from taking place. Some of the ways we reject feelings and thoughts are as follows:

• Correcting what the person has shared
  e.g. "What I think you really mean..."
• Telling the other person what they are actually feeling and thinking
  e.g. "I know you're feeling/thinking..."
• Defending or explaining yourself after someone has shared
  e.g. "The reason I said that..."
• Apologizing too quickly which results in minimizing the other person's feelings
• Attacking the person after they have shared
  e.g. "I was wrong...but you"
• Advising when the person's intent is just to share thoughts and feelings
  e.g. "Maybe if you..."

Take time and talk with those closest to you and see if you discourage the sharing of feelings and thoughts in the ways listed above. Your relationship will be the richer for doing it!

Resource - The Marriage Builder, by Larry Crabb

Janet Purdy